I have not blogged in a while, I have been preoccupied with so much happening in my life, many distractions good and not so good or should I say 'disguised good' ? Anyways let's move on. I have always believed in contributing my own share to help humanity and one of the ways I've always felt I can help is to help women anyway I can, maybe because I am a woman myself, or because women are disadvantaged compared to men so they need all the help they can get, or because when the chips are down, they can't pick their shirts (or is it blouse or buba?) and move on, they are stuck with the kids come rain, come shine. And most importantly maybe because all the traditionally known vocation, skills and means of livelihood for women are being eroded and taken over by men. For example, can you imagine a man being a professional alaga for wedding and engagement ceremonies?
 |
| Male alaga iduro? I hope men will not start strapping babies on their backs in the name of claiming equal rights with women. |
rolling their eyes, their
asses derrière and kneeling down for the bride's or bridegroom's family as the case maybe? Some men now sell pepper,
 |
| Selling pepper without all seriousness, na wah o. |
fruits and vegetables even in nieghbourhoods, set up hair dressing salons for themselves, not their wives, I even saw one man a couple of days ago, hawking hairdressing services and loosing braids for a woman in Balogun market on Lagos Island, (signs of end times if you ask me) So whatever happened to traditional male roles like providing for the family, saw milling, bricklaying and other more 'masculine vocations'?
So if I need to make any purchase, get any services, I would rather patronize a woman even if it will waste my time, efforts or money, I get joy and fulfillment knowing that I have helped a family one way or the other.
 |
| Man in the background, crane your neck as much as you like, we won't be buying from you okay? |
From experience however I have realized that women can also be as fraudulent, if not worse than men, being dubious and fraudulent has not got anything to do with your gender or even race. So where exactly am I going? If like me, you prefer to help women you can still continue but be careful, 'shine your eyes' as my people will say.
Being a typical Nigerian, I sometimes do some shopping in the traffic, there was this particular young lady that I used to buy bread
 |
| Hawking bread on the streets of Lagos. Buying stuff in traffic, I was thought a lesson or two. |
from mainly because being a woman she was not able to run as fast as her male counterparts and so would not be able to make as much sales. One day after my purchase, I gave her money but instead of giving me my change, she tried to make away with my change. I had to quickly park my car and run after her in order to collect my change back, not because the change was that much, but because I have this thing about collecting change back (read it here) and also because I was amazed at her effrontery, you see I thought we had built a relationship and that I was her good customer.
On another occasion, this time there was no trading transaction. It was pure help. I met a Nigerian lady at one of the airports in Europe, she was with a little child. She was pleading with the airline staff and crying like a baby because she had missed her flight,
imagine sweating profusely during winter with serious body odour. I came to her rescue if only to stop the odour from oozing out of her body stop the child from crying because she had started to join her mother. I bought another ticket for her with the understanding that she would pay back when she got to her destination.she even offered to drop her phone or her child's buggy as collateral but I declined. Ten years later she is yet to pay back and she stopped picking my calls.
 |
| Mumu Naijamum, giving a loan to a stranger without collecting a collateral |
On my trip to China, now this particular one convinced me that it has not got anything to do with your race. I visited one of the open markets in the company of a Chinese friend of mine. I bought a calculator from one of the market women, after so much translation and hand gesticulations, I paid and we left but I forgot the calculator behind. About some 30 minutes later I remembered and we quickly made a u-turn. The look on her face said it all, she knew we left it behind but she deliberately did not alert us or call us back. Thank God that she did not insist that she had given it to us or I would have had to purchase another one.
 |
| Even the 'keke Marwas' and 'okadas that I took were driven by women from Naija to China. |
A friend of mine went through this horrendous experience, like me she liked helping her womenfolk anyway she could, she used the services of a female alabaru
 |
Beware of female alabarus, they can steal carry anything. |
to help her carry the ceiling fans that she purchased with her six months savings,while they were both trying to cross the road, the alabaru was a bit slower becuase of her age, so my friend crossed ahead of the alabaru. We are still searching for the alabaru till date! she must have used 'egbe' or 'àféèrí' or both, because she literally just disappeared into thin air.
Friends have also shared what they went through after giving women rides especially if they are with little children or are carrying a baby, when such women get to their destination and alight, they take their helpers' personal belongings with them.
The incidence that triggered this post took place just yesterday, 1st of May 2014. My children and I went for a wedding. It was an outdoor thing and a bit rowdy
 |
| An outdoor party and very rowdy. T3 looking at her plate of rice and T2 looking so miserable I had to beg her to smile a little. |
there were many photographers struggling to make money from a few snapshots( we all know that camera phones and tablets have 'spoilt market' for them). I beckoned on a middle aged female photographer, gave her sone money and bought some photos of the bride and groom off her and also told her to snap us some shots. The bride and groom
where making their grand entrance so I told her to please snap us some with the couple.
 |
| See what she snapped, mschew,T3 my nine year old would have done a better job, the 'smart' photograher was busy mentally planning an escape route. |
 |
| Bridal train without faces, courtesy of the 'smart' woman photographer |
I noticed that she was reversing with an unnecessarily so much speed while still looking at us and snapping, ( or as we later found out, pretending to snap) by the time I finished exchanging pleasantries with the couple she had almost disappeared with my phone. I had to apply my Naija sense and whiz in and out of the typical Naija wedding crowd, dodging steaming hot plates of jollof rice, fried rice and what have you, encumbered with my sunglasses,
 |
| Sunglasses and everything, how did I catch up with her in this ensemble? She did not know I was a Lagos girl before I became Naijamum. |
gele, iro and delicate jewelry and the muddy floor ( thank God for small mercies, the iro was tied at the back but if it were n't I would have abandoned it or held it in my hands). Struggling with my high heels. I finally caught up with her, panting and out of breath. The look on her face when I caught up? defiant guilt, maybe she thought I was going to make a scene. Scene ko, scene ni, I was so relieved to get my phone back that I left the change for her. And quickly made my way to where my children were before some other disguised hoodlums will remove their hats,
 |
| Remoove their hats and even the delicate doughnut atop T2's head? No way, I had to quickly sprint back |
collect their tablets and phones on the pretext that they were trying to help them snap pictures( T1, always afraid of germs would not even let a stranger touch any of her stuff).
 |
T1, would not have handed over her phone to anybody any stranger |
Thank God, they were safe when I got back.
Do you think this experience will stop me from practising compassion in the future? No, certainly not, I will just be more careful by for example; collecting my change upfront before making any payment; or collecting anything of value as collateral if I need to give an impromptu loan and shining my eyes more and applying more caution. What about you, what will you do?
No comments:
Post a Comment