Facial expression as a type of parenting skill.

There is a general agreement among sociologists and psychologists that the face, voice, body posture and hand gestures, forecast to outside observers what people will do next. By extension children or rather "well brought up" children are expected to be able to read every of their parents' facial expression, voice tone, body posture and hand gesture and use such as a guide as to what is expected of them in any given situation.  When we were growing up, most of the communication between us and our parents were non- verbal and woe betide you if you were not able to decipher / decode any of such messages because you would pay dearly for it. In fact our parents did little or no talking to us, except when we are being reprimanded for one wrong doing or the other, all the talking they did was to adults like themselves.

The human face serves many functions, it makes ones behaviour more predictable and understandable to others and thus improves communication, it can be used to supplement verbal communication, it can also communicate information on its own without the use of verbal communication, that is replace verbal communication. Psychologists have classified six facial expressions which correspond to ; happiness, sadness, surprise, fear, disgust and anger. All these are however not the expressions we have in mind when talking about facial expression's use as a parenting skill. 

People of South West Nigeria, especially the Yoruba people have all types of facial expressions or/ and hand gestures and body postures to fit every single situation or incidence. Lets now proceed to examine some of them and their interpretation

1. Rolling of eyes/ eyeing; used to express disgust, annoyance,and  exasperation.

2. Shrugging of shoulders; means "I don't care" or "I don't know or I am not interested"

3. Clapping of hands three times and simultaneously placing each hand over the other starting with the right followed by the left. " Wonders shall never end " or " see me, see trouble" or is simply used to express amazement.

4. Loud clearing of throat; this is used to shut somebody up without making it so obvious and can also be used to express disbelief at someone.

5. Pointing with your nose and raising your upper lip to touch your nose at the same time, known in Yoruba language as "yinmu", is used to express disbelief, disgust or simply to say; " I give up", reminds me of the way majority of  Nigerians feel about government projects and policies, "yinmu" is a very apt expression.

"Yinmu".... T2 indeed an "omo oju"

6. Keeping very quite all of a sudden and refusing to respond in any way whatsoever and keeping a blank face; used to signify end of a conversation or that a particular topic is a no-go area.

7. Wagging of the right fore finger in a person's face;  Indicates warning and the wagging will be as severe as the warning is meant to be.

8. Shaking of the head from left to right or vice versa, note that this is different from nodding(nodding is an up and down movement) signifies the hopelessness of a case. It could also mean an emphatic no.

9. Laughing loudly all of a sudden and also declaring that you are indeed laughing as a response to a particular situation, question, news or information( remember Obasanjo " I they laugh o", the reply that he gave when he was told that Atiku would be succeeding him as President of Nigeria) this "mouth gesture" is used to express derision or the ridiculousness of a situation or of some particular news.

Obasanjo; "I dey laugh o"

10. Raising up and shaking two clenched fists at the same time. This expresses praise, applause and kudos.

11. Twisting and interlocking the two hands together and intertwining the ten fingers. This signifies appeal or request , petition, imploring.

12. Putting of the right fore finger in the left cheek and proceeding to make a loud noise three times. Signifies swearing that what was said is indeed true. 

13. Biting the tip of your fore finger or the angle of a curved fore finger; Expresses regret.

14. Glaring hard at someone; Shows displeasure and annoyance

15. Using the tip of  a curved fore finger to tap the side of your forehead. Means the person(s) being addressed need their heads examined.

16. Tapping of the middle finger and thumb across the head three times. This means that something will happen only over your dead body. This hand gesture has however acquired one more meaning especially at this "Pentecostal times" to mean "back to sender"

18. Opening your hand wide with the palm showing and all fingers separated at somebody is Yoruba's way of saying "f**k you" or "to h*ll with you". Note that it is not parents that use this particular hand gesture on their children, but it is expected that a child should recognise an insult if he sees one and promptly report to elders.

19.  Add your own.

The Yoruba classify children into two when it comes to the topic under discussion; "omo oju", a child that understands facial expression, and "omo oro",a child that understands only verbal expression, the former is generally preferred to the latter and is also considered to be better brought up and better behaved.

A child that can  decode all these expressions accurately and promptly follow by taking approprate action is on her way to a blissful childhood. 

How many of these gestures are you familiar with?

A brand new parenting style?

We have heard about attachment parenting, helicopter parenting among just a few, but it seems more ways of parenting are being invented by the day. Some parents have come up with the idea that it would make sense to exchange some of their children for cash so as to 'kill one bird with one stone" by 1. Being able to afford more money to spend on the remaining children and 2. Paving way for a better life for the child sold. This was the reason given by a couple that sold their child in China. What do you think?
 http://www.realclear.com/world/2013/10/18/couple_in_china_sell_baby_daughter_for_iphone_3647.html#.UmO07_SHWYU.blogger

Young Chinese couple are facing criminal punishment for "selling" their infant daughter and using the proceeds to buy an Apple iPhone, state media said Friday.

Shanghai prosecutors have brought a case against them for human trafficking after they illegally put their third child up for adoption online and accepted money for the baby, the Liberation Daily reported.

Investigators found the mother, whose full name was not given, used the money to buy an iPhone, high-end sports shoes and other goods, it said.

Apple's products are wildly popular in China, where a teenager sold his kidney and used the funds to buy an iPhone and iPad in an incident widely reported last year.

But the couple told police that they wanted the girl to have a better upbringing than they could afford, since they already had two children.

"Giving away the child was not for obtaining benefits, but giving the child better guarantees," one said.

Some Chinese, especially in rural areas, have a traditional preference for sons though reports did not say if the child's gender was also a factor in the case.

Online commentary condemned the couple, though some used black humour to describe modern Chinese society and the quest for wealth.

"So cold-blooded! These people do not deserve the right to be parents!" said Wangzhan1969 in a microblog posting.

"This is good business -- no capital, huge profit and no need to sell kidneys," said another posting.

An official of the prosecutor's office handling the case expressed worry over "sensationalism" surrounding the affair but declined to comment further to AFP.

Shanghai police could not be reached for comment.

Reports did not give the amount the couple received for the child, but their online postings asked for 30,000 yuan and 50,000 yuan ($4,900 and $8,200).

Apple last month launched the iPhone 5s, including a gold-coloured model, and the more budget-conscious iPhone 5c in China.

Copyright (2013) AFP. All rights reserved

Welcome to the Blog for Every Parent: Parenting In Nigeria

Welcome to the Blog for Every Parent: Parenting In Nigeria: The article below was written by Tolu Ayorinde.   Friends, Let me add the benefit of my time as a student and then resident in th...

Packaging...before you disgrace your child.

I remember attending a course about going back into employment. We were taught among other things; CV writing, how to apply for a job, interview skills, telephone answering skills, how to use office equipments like photocopiers, printers etc. This experience no doubt had a lasting impact on me.

When my children became of school age and I started attending PTA meetings, from my observations, it occurred to me that it would not be out of place to "train"  mothers parents about public comportment especially at fora where they will be representing their children.

One thing I love about Naija and that makes me miss her so much that I can not afford to stay too long outside her shores, is the use of expressions that are very apt and fit perfectly what one has in mind and can not seem to  find words to explain, one word that is  trending now is"Packaging". Packaging in this post implies comportment and appearance of parents at events and occasions such as PTA meetings, school inter house sports, and even daily school runs. Lets go through the following list to see how we can make our children proud of us so that they would, God helping want to "retaliate".

1. For the women, lets start from the inside, get a good bra. This might sound ridiculous, but the effect of a good bra goes a long way, we know you have had children, we understand that what goes up will eventually come down, but at the same time, we would not be portraying a good image if we appear in our children's school with chest all flabby and breasts falling apart inside some imitation of a bra. A good bra does not cost a fortune and gives us the confidence that we need.

2 Save the "shoes and bag to match" and satellite dish headgears for the "owambe" parties that they are meant for and avoid wearing them to your child's school.

 

3.Do not engage in a dressing competition with your child by wearing spaghetti tops, cleavage revealing dresses, bum clutching trousers, skimpy skirts and dresses etcetera. You have had your turn, let them have theirs and please avoid a situation where you might be mistaken for the help. If you must wear such, save them for evening outings.

4. Dads too should dress appropriately and avoid undersized clothing and sagging of their  trousers. It is not this type of dressing that will portray you as a cool dad. Nowadays we can hardly tell the difference between the dads and the drivers.

5.  This point applies to both parents but mums are guiltier, if by chance you get the opportunity to lead prayers, either opening or closing, please keep it short, do not turn what  ought to be a simple prayer into a crusade.

5. Avoid any side talk and incessant telephone conversations during meetings, surely we should be able to suspend  phone calls and other conversations for about an hour or two.

6. Be polite, to the  teachers and to all members of staff, do not wait to be greeted first. It is alright if you initiate greetings and exchange pleasantries, being nice to them makes your child's sojourn in the school more comfortable.

7. Obey all traffic and parking rules, the rules are for the  safety and security of your child.

 8.This one is for all the "Ipad photographers", the parents that come for school events armed with ipads, camcorders, cameras, camera phones and all other sorts of recording devices. They do not bother to look for seats for they have come with the intention not to sit at all but to make sure they record all that takes place even if it means obstructing other peoples view while at it. Please let us respect the feeling of others.

There are so many other situations that are not covered but we can not go wrong if we apply common sense at all times. Let me recount a particular incidence witnessed by me; a mum came for a PTA meeting and brought a dog with her (not a guard dog mind you, it was a chihuahua),  and  after a while, the dog grew restless and started whining and making some disturbing noises . Upon being told that dogs were  not allowed at meetings (as if that was not obvious enough), and that she had to leave the meeting if she insisted on keeping the dog with her, she became very angry and almost brought the meeting to an end with the trouble that ensued. Needless to say, her child was the butt of all jokes in the school for the rest of the term.

Mum is not the word,  decorum and moderation are the words at all times.

And so la la what?

There is this adage (I think Igbo, I am not quite sure) that says, when mother goat is chewing cud, baby goat is watching and will most likely chew exactly the same way. In other words our children will most likely do things the way we do them, say what we say, the way we say them. so we should take pains to mind what we say, the expressions we use etc. if we ban swear words and foul language it can only be effective if we ourselves give it up. So when I have had it  up to here(top of my throat ), instead of saying and so f**king what?, I say and so la la what? and this has become a popular phrase in my household even down to my eight year old, the phrase is used to express indignation, exasperation, all sorts of mood and sometimes just for the fun of it.When children are grown enough to know what "la la" represents, they would have been matured enough to know how to be in charge of their own use of language responsibly.

We know that children can be very infuriating most of the time, so if you are really mad at your children, which is very often,(if mine should be used as yardsticks), instead of using words such as stupid, daft, idiot and asking questions like are you daft,  are you cra*y etc, it is better to just ask the question,"What kind of child is this?". God knows that he is a good child, it is just that he is driving you up the wall at the moment. This question was a question I grew up with and any child that it was used to refer to at the time knew that they had overstepped the boundary set for them. It was capable of having more effect than all those abusive words and questions put together, it would make you feel guilty and remorseful and do a thorough self examination. However as to the question whether it can still be as effective at this modern time, your guess is as good as mine.