My Dad, a father of many nations

23rd November 2013 was the day we had the final burial ceremony in honour of my father. He departed this world in June 2003. I was out of the country then, he was buried immediately. But since then we had always had an annual memorial prayer and get together in his honour. The 23rd November event was the grand finale. At the venue of the party,  I looked around me and went down memory lane. I could not help missing him.

My dad, he was different things to different people. To my mum, he was a brother, (she even used to call him 'broda' before they started having children, she could not call him by name) he was a mentor, a dependable ally in business and out of it. He brought her to Lagos although there is this joke that my mum had gone home and come back all by herself, so he was not the one who brought her. He was proud of her and not envious or intimitdated by her business prowess. He was her soulmate despite all the other wives. He was the love of her life.

My mum and dad in Mecca, 1975

I remember that one day when I was very angry at my dad, I asked mum why she married him, was it because there were no other suitors or what? My dad instead of getting angry, burst into laughter and recounted how he beat all other contenders for my mum's hand in marriage including the richest man in our community then, who already had a fleet of cars at that ime, how he won my mum's heart with a bike, and how a song was waxed by the current and most popular musician in their community then to sing his praise for that feat, they both got up and sang the song, dancing, my mum, shyly and blushing, as if she was an innocent bride( she was in her 60s then) and my dad with his eyes gleaming with pride.

Dad and Mum at Mum's house warming ceremony in 1983

He was a very stern and loving man at the same time, he was a disciplinarian but he would still feed us (about four of us aged between 4and 8)from his dish of delicacies (orisirisi) as we surround his table at meal times despite the fact that we had had our individual meals. He had a habit of always going about with brand new coins in his pocket which he would give children including us. He was my mentor, I copied him, watched what he did or rather how he did what he did and got results and put it in practice and got result too. He was fearless, he was a go-getter, he never gave up on any of his goals, he would not accept no for an answer and he did not believe there was anything that was impossible. He was an hardworking and shrewd business man. He was one of the best networkers of his time, he had his own 'oyinbos' expatriates from companies like CFAO, Mandillas, John Holt etc. They would do business together during the day and party together in the evening.

He was a good and generous son to his parents, his parents gave him the nickname,'Okan soso  kiri to  san  ju Igba omo ló' meaning a good son that is worth more  than 200 children pulled together., it was not just a pet name, he earned it. He was a loving and accommodating brother to his siblings both full and half. One of the first businesses he registered was registered in 'his name and Bros' not '...and Co' nor ....'and Sons' unlike the trend then. With all the people he met on his journey through life, it was 'live and let live' he believed that the sky was wide enough for all birds to fly without disturbing one another.

He was an extrovert, very outgoing, eager to meet new people and to make friends. There was no dull moment with him. He was a lover of sports especially wrestling and boxing. He was suspended from watching football by his doctor at one particular time because of his high blood pressure condition, because whatever he did, he did with all his might, he would play football right there in his living room whilst watching it. His handshake was very gripping, you had to be sure of yourself before shaking hands with him.

He was our father, 18 surviving children out of 22, he loved all of us together and individually for all the different traits that we have, the resemblance among us is striking even across different mothers, you would find a daughter looking more like her half sister more than her full sister. Outsiders could not really tell who our mothers were, they used to just call us by our surname. An old friend of my dad came visiting one day and met me, he asked my dad, sé omo pupa yen ló bi eleyi fun e? Meaning was it that fair girl that had this child for you? It was funny, because my mum was in her 70s then and I was in my late 20s and she was still being referred to as 'omo pupa'.

He was handsome, dashing, fashionable and clean, he had another nickname 'all white' because he made popular the wearing of native white lace attire. He was a fashion pace setter then and would also wear other nice colours and was one of the first to pioneer the wearing of 'to match' that we call monochrome nowadays.

Growing up especially after my first degree was very stormy because we had divergent opinions about the kind of friends I should keep and the kind of man I should bring home as husband material. At one point I stopped talking to him except the compulsory greetings like 'e e kaaro sir, e e kule sir, e e Kabo sir' etc. And  I missed him, I missed the jokes, the gist, on his own part he could not bear it, he would come into my room and say ' e e so' meaning hello, how are you? how are you doing in Ijebu and I would be happy and we would resume talking until another wahala cropped up.

He was a prayer warrior, he would pray from night till daybreak and continue even farther if need be especially on issues that had to do with his children. He started laying hands before Pentecostal pastors learnt the act.if I had some pains, he would pray and lay his hands on that spot and keep vigil with me till the pain would subside or till I slept off.

He was a polygamist but would not want any of his children to go that way. I remember that there was a guy pestering me and was already worming his way into my Father's heart, I just told my dad that he was married (although he was not) and my dad got very angry and asked him if he wanted to make me ' a spare tyre' or what? He did not believe in 'do or  die' marriage especially when it involved violence and always made us know we were welcome home if situation demanded it. He was therefore not one to loose a child to domestic violence except if he was kept in the dark about it.

He was a morally upright man and so not the type to go behind anybody's back to have a child outside wedlock or in secret, so since he died, we have not experienced any nasty surprise. He was not the type that would date female employees or female tenants,impregnate his wives' relatives, or fondle his wives' house helps ( this was a common occurrence in his time, house helps we're being upgraded into wives on a per dozen basis). Neither would he date his friends daughter, his daughters' friends etc. There were real life situations that happened and he did not disappoint me. 

We had a good rapport that defied the generation gap between us. I remember one time when one of our  neighbours who must have been in his late 70s then felt he was in love with me and proceeded to put it in writing to prove it, when I showed my Dad the letters he was very livid and said he was going to warn him. I told him not to, that there were other more humiliating ways to make him stop, so we then hatched our plans. Usually we would seat on our balcony in the evening and the neighbours would sit on theirs just across fom us. As soon as they are seated, I would bring out one of the letters and start reading it out loud, the neighbour would jump up and run indoors to the surprise of his wife and children, my dad and I would laugh till tears streamed down our faces. We succeeded in keeping him indoors for over a month till something else happened that we could joke about.

My dad, was not a burden, both financially and emotionally. Even at old age, when his outing was drastically reduced to about once a week, he still had a live-in driver. He also had a houseboy and so was not at the mercy of any of his wives( my mum not included because she had since withdrawn form domestic duties with the advent of the younger wives). He spent his money on good medical care, good diet and on his  general well being.

He set a standard that was almost impossible to beat for any suitor( until my husband came into my life or was I the one that came into his life?, by the way my husband is the new 'okan soso kiri' after my dad although he does not know it yet), and he would usually advise me to lower my expectations a little bit. He took my husband as his son, taught him how to shave with only water and razor and not grow bumps. For both of them, it was love at first sight. They both got on like a house on fire.

He was a lover of music and would spend any amount on a gramophone. His taste also shaped my preference in music.Popular musicians of his time like Haruna Ishola, Yusuf Olatunji, Lefty Salami, King Sunny Ade, Ebenezer Obey were all his favourites and I could sing all their songs back to back. My Dad, he was a great event planner, the perfect host at parties, he would not spare any expenses when having a party. When we had the burial party for his parents, it was Haruna Ishola that performed. So I know that he would not expect any less from us his children for his own burial party.

I looked around me and felt proud of myself, the opulence and splendor of the venue

, the array and variety of food on the menu, the buttomless supply of choice drinks, the calibre and the turn out of gorgeously dressed guests, the colorful Aso ebi, the performance of the musician all combined made the party a huge success to be talked about for a long time to come.

As we wound up the party,  I could not help musing and chuckling; from my father's  loins have emanated Nigerian citizens, British, Irish, German, American, Benin Republic, Cote D'ivoire. He was indeed a father of many nations.